timothydelaghetto:

umhi-im-alexis:

"Open books, not legs" is the dumbest shit ever like

if I wanna read then I’ll read

and if I wanna fuck then I’ll fuck

and if I wanna rest my book against a hot guy’s head while he puts it between my spread legs then I’m gonna fucking do that bye

That was the hottest post I’ve ever read. 

e-zekiel:

okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too

but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time

and then another person fell

and another

and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting

and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so fucking happy

I think we’ve officially reached that annoying time in the year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday, if you wear a sweater, you die from heatstroke.

peperomint:

nail polish on fingernails: 2 days
nail polish on toenails: 200 years. ur ghost will have glittery toes. ur descendants will come out of the womb w/ revlon 791 midnight affair perfectly applied. infinite